Ladies and Gentleman, I only have 9 minutes to interview dsm911, since he has to go sing Karaoke in a leopard print skinsuit, so I'll try and get as many things covered as I can.
Me: dsm911, what's up man, why are you wearing that and singing karaoke, it's not even noon yet?
dsm911: Just living the dream baby, whether it's in front of three people at Billly Joe's Picture Show or my high school graduation, I come to play.
Me: Whatever.
Me: What do you feel was your greatest accomplishment this past tri season?
dsm911: It's sort of a tie between the Emmetsburg Tri and the Okoboji Tri.
Me: Wow, what such great detail and vivid imagry you provide.
dsm911: Well, if you'd quit interrupting me, I'd be more apt to profess my profound recollection of said events.
dms911: In Emmetsburg, I avoided the blinding scene of the sun-deprived burrito exiting Five-Island Lake. This was key. In Okoboji, I was able to have a five minute conversation on the run with my fellow man about the hypocrisy of the United Nations beliefs towards the anarchy currently imposed on various Third World Countries. You know what I'm talking about.
Me: Good Lord, give me a beer. Who do you think is going to make the biggest impact on the team next year?
dsm911: Wow, great question.
Me: No need to state the obvious. Carry-on.
dsm911: I really feel that it's going to be a tie between Dogman and Burrito. Rumor has it that Dogman's been getting some swimming and spin classes in prior to his Boston training.
Me: Either that or trying to hit on the lifeguard.
dsm911: and Burrito is going to make his long awaited debut, not sure what event, I'm thinking Emmetsburg for him.
Me: Thanks for that I guess. Which of these do you think is more fantastic, prison shanking or cannibalism?
dsm911: Seriously, which is more fantastic? I'd have to say cannibalism. Throughough historical times, cannibalism, in it's purest form, has saved lives and captivated the minds and hearts of many. Whether it be in the Jungles of Papa New Guinea, plane crashes in the Andes or the female praying mantis devouring the male after acts of reproduction, I could go on?
Me: Please don't.
Me: Switching gears, how do you feel about being the second best looking person in this interview.
dsm911: Story of my life man.
Me: Ouch, at least you completed Point to Point...oh wait, that was me, It's Mister to You! and Ironman. Even the Warrior and Burrito where there in spirit.
Me: What do you think you need to improve on for next year?
dsm911: I think my swimming is coming along pretty well but feel that I can still make some improvements to it.
Me: Agree, Virginia is for hustlers. Should Texas be it's own country?
dsm911: Seriously?
Me: What's your favorite movie? Documentaries and shows on public television don't count.
dsm911: Basically anything with Tom Cruise in it. Aside from that, I've been really digging Spice World...Scary Spice in those tight outfit's, dayum.
Me: Did we really just have a "dayum?"
dsm911: Another great flick is P.S. I Love You. Since I'm getting married and all, I've been leaving copies of this movie all over the house. I figure since I'm so good at romancing, this would be golden. In addition, a couple guys in that movie were in a band. I've been in a few bands, lead singer and guitar player, so I feel I've got a real connection with those guys. Also, they're Irish and I'm Irish. Sometimes, when I watch the movie, ok, all the time, I just feel like I'm the same person. I'll sing in my Irish voice and drink pints of Guiness. It's like for one moment, even if just briefly, the problems of the the Irish Catholics and Protestants just drift away, ala Dobie Gray. In a small way, I feel like I'm doing my part for the greater good of humanity.
Me: Yeah, I cooked spaghetti last night, had a baguette, a gyro, a bratwurst and some Sangria, I'm such a supporter of the melting pot that is America. It's like I'm one with Ellis Island.
dsm911: So you know exactly how I feel.
Me: No kidding, whoosh.
dsm911: What was that sound?
Me: Not sure, thought I saw something go right over your head.
Well, I've had enough fun for the morning ladies and gentleman. Nothing like an interview with one of our own to make you want to start drinking early. I'd like to close with a link of dsm911 in action from one of his events this year. Thanks for your time dsm911.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-tCUnhp2bo
A New Favorite
5 months ago
2 comments:
I would like to lead this Op Ed w/the observation that I come to play. (with emphasis). and the publisher of this interview can be expecting correspondence from my representation regarding the multiple misquotes, manipulated facts, and outright lies that make up the interview. If the truth is a defense to slander, I guess through the interviewer’s somewhat mangled corollary (perhaps from one too many Fat Tires at a certain karaoke establishment west of des moines), figured that outright lies were a defense to libel.
Moving forward,
This past race year has been one for the books. But as anyone who knows anything knows, nothing compares to the Okoboji tri, not even an inaugural appearance at the e-hawk tri. Fortunately, dear reader, I did indeed miss the mighty burrito exiting the close-to-pristine waters of five island lake. I say fortunately only because that would mean I’d be behind burrito in the swim. While not completely out of the realm of possibility, I think that honour is reserved for the likes of the accelerade warrior at ‘boji 2009.
Race year 2010 looks to be one where Dogman asserts his dominance in all things running. As to the prison shanking vs cannibalism argument, I would say neither are fantastic; both are repugnant to all things good. While I do not know what prison shanking is exactly, for the benefit of our younger readers out there (no It’s mister to you, not you), I will not further speculate on the idea that ‘prison shanking’ may be a euphemism for getting-it-down.
In regards to what I need to improve upon for next years tri season, I would go w/the tri-fecta. And the only way to improve is to take on the those three individuals at gull point on that first Saturday in August. A long shot call out- you know it.
While I have yet to see PS I love you (the incredible story of a young man overcoming great odds and moving to Iowa to practice law), I’m sure the movie is a wonderful depiction of the struggles good-looking, intelligent, people of Hibernian lineage (was I just redundant) face in this cruel world.
I’m not sure what kind of hack shop allows these interviews to go into print, but I thank them in advance for large judgment they will be paying to the 2009 Captain’s visit fund.
I have two comments.
1 Dsm119 talks a big game. Now that Cloris Leachman,Rosie Odonnel,The Big Bopper (no wait, he's dead)and Laura Bush are going to swim the Point to Point next year will Dsm119 have enough courage to do so?
2 Dogman is swimming because their is a cute life guard.
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